by Sir Latimer [schizophrenia sufferer]

Tarbotton is a city of 270,000 people. It is a very large city if you are lost in the downtown area. However, it is very small if you realize that the entire city and suburbs take up a space the size of the head of a pin. Make sure you take note that I did say pin, and not pen. Measured in Tarbottan miles, there is a difference of 27 miles between pinhead and penhead, with pin being the smaller and pen being the larger. By now you probably think I am a great scientist. Unfortunately I have not been discovered because of the vastness of the universe. Let me explain my situation.

In downtown Tarbottan on Traggelmur Street there is a pet shop. In the pet shop there is an ant farm. The ant farm is 270 miles long in relation to to my size, and most of it is barren wasteland. I often refer to this place as The Desert of Ant Farmia. At the present time Morpheus and I are trying to make the journey across The Desert of Ant Farmia. Of course, as usual, I am traveling by slugback, with Morpheus being the slug that I ride. At present I have stopped to water my slug and get a drink and fill up my canteen at an oasis. Of course, what is the present now will be in the past by the time you read this letter.

I would say that by the time you read this, my tomorow will be 27 trillion years farther into the past than your yesterday. Morpheus filled his belly with water and is now taking a slug nap. Of course, the best case scenario would be for a westbound ant to pass by, and perhaps Morpheus and I could grab on to one of its legs and get a free ride across The Desert of Ant Farmia. That's what we are hoping for. Well enough said about me and Morpheus and our small world.

This tale may be making you to feel quite large, maybe even obese. Though you are feeling quite great, because of the scientist that I am, even though I am in the past, and you are in the future, my calculations tell me you have very tiny eyes. If your eyes are tiny then you are most likely tiny all over, unless you are a spider, which my calculations tell me you are not. I base this theory on my experience with spiders and their lack of interest in reading. In the 2,700 case studies in which I placed a newspaper or magazine in front of a spider, not one time did the spider read farther than the sixth sentence into any article. Considering you are now reading sentence number 27 of this letter, you are, therefore, ruled out of consideration as possibly being a spider. Therefore I stand firmly as a great scientist on The Desert of Ant Farmia when I say that you have very tiny eyes, so you are most likely tiny all over, because you are not a spider.

Being the great scientist that I am, I must state my basis for my theory that you have very tiny eyes: "Well, it takes very tiny eyes to read a very tiny letter written with a very tiny pen somewhere in a very tiny ant farm in a very tiny pet shop in a very tiny city called Tarbottan, that's the size of the head of a pin."

Are you feeling a bit smaller now my friend?

Schizophrenia, Temenos & Cultural Healing   

There is a better way . . .